There’s a project, reverb, that provides daily prompts for people to blog about in the hopes of reflecting on the year 2010. I found this on BluestEyes blog, and the link to the project is in the title.
As i was reading BluestEyes' answer to this following question, i had an answer, just as she did when she read the answer of another.
The question: Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?Tornado. This was the first answer that came in my head.
This year was beautiful, dark, powerful, destructive and somewhat boring.
it started out good. the new year always does, for me. its the best time of the year to clean your slate and start anew. this good feeling lasted about 3 months. as my job was winding down and getting read yo close shop, i ran into a shit storm.
*Insert Break-Up Scene Here* the only thing i thought i had going for me was Destroyed in seconds. it felt great (note the sarcasm) for about 3 weeks, then i was pissed and tired of being mad, sad, and tired. So i stopped caring. This is about the time it got dark. when i stopped caring about what had happen to me, i unintentionally stopped caring about everything going on around me too.
and i made a blog. :) i would have to say if you want to tell everyone you dont know about the things you want to tell someone, post it in a blog. and every time something happens, and you dont know exactly how to say it, or you just want to rant, post it in a blog. when you think you've run out of friends that care to hear about the same thing over and over and over again, because it still bothers you, Post It In A Blog! The blog doesnt care, but that doesnt matter because you care, and if you have people that read it, they dont need to care... at least someone else is reading your rant which was the point to begin with.
Then it got powerful... i basically paid it forward. I listened to two of my friends about their relationships, and all they seemed to do was complain about it.. i never make the decision, but i just talk to people about whatever they want to talk about.. I am always on the side of my friend, even if it tends to be the wrong side. I voice what i'm thinking about it, and tend to be quite blunt without care or feeling, and help them make powerful choices that will change the next few month to rest of their lives.
WhiteMM and MnotT both broke up with the partner at that time for one reason or another.
i wanted both partners out of the lives of my friends, but i never push it or make the decision. so if they wanted to stay with those people i would have just questioned it, and dealt with it.
WhiteMM is much happier for it, and i dont know about MnotT. he might not be so happy now.
This is about the time the destructive comes in. I'm a very destructive person. and when it comes to relationships when i want out i dont tell the person that i'm done i try to push them away. i ruin or sabotage it intentionally to see if the person would get the hint that i just dont care anymore. I'm an uncaring person. i have feelings but i dont let enough people see them or get to them for them to be hurt in anyway what-so-ever.
I intentionally dont attach myself to people or call anyone a friend because when they stop talking to me, or we stop hanging out it wont hurt.
This is my own choice, and this will be my downfall when i get older and join the "real world" but i dont care to change right now. So far i've ruined every relationship i've been in except one... And it wasnt the one with LP. and the one that would have been the best thing for me i pushed away because i was scared.
my perfect boyfriend. a guy how puts up with the shit i bring, who makes the relationship interesting at least once a week so i dont get bored and back out, and who doesnt care to see me daily or (current state of mind) want to live with me in the future.
Here is the boring... i dont do anything anymore. i do daily things, but i dont go out with people, i dont try to make friends, all i do it go to school and go home. so there isnt much to goo off of when people ask how my week or weekend went... my response is "it went.. i didnt do anything note worthy"
THE NEW YEAR:
I would like it to be like a beach.
gritty and dirty sometimes, but nice and beautiful and Clean most of the year.
Now on to the random things...
I think i'm getting better at driving, i have only driven from the mail box to the house which is about 1/4 of a mile or so with the speed limit of 20 mph.
i had a wired non-sexually hot dream the other night... it is to strange to talk about. but i sort of told the person that was in the dream what the outline of the dream was. they were "flattered"
all but one final is this week, when "finals" are next week. I have one "final" next week but its not really a final, its just a presentation of our sex research.
My dance is on Saturday night (dec 4th) and we have it all, we just have to pretend to know what were doing even if we dont. its going to be so much fun! Yay dance class!
And last thing, when i started this blog i first told my 4 (at the time) best friends, now its only 2 1/2, and all of them had their own excuse not to read it. then i told others. LP was still reading it when i told a few more people about it, and i didnt much care for him to, but had no way of stopping him so i just gave up on it. but the people that are suppose to "be there" for me dont read, which kind of hurts the feelings that not many get to see. it didnt bother me at first, but i go into much more detail when i blog about something then i ever do or ever will when i retell the story over and over again to each friend. i start out with "have you read my recent update?" and the answers i get back are "no, blogs are boring to me", "no, lol, i forgot. what is the address thingy [URL] again?", or Oh, my favorite "nope, dont care to"
i know of 3 people for sure that read my blog, and i've come to the conclusion that i'm okay with that. My parents (2 people) and reconnected again officially official friend BluestEyes (reconnected as in back in April-ish)
well this is long enough, so i'm cutting it off.