i'm not; but i am

i'm not avoiding you.... but i kind of am.

This whole thing may be confusing, deal with it.. hahaha. :)

Relationship directed

a wise person once told me "if something in their family scares you, run like hell" because if you choose to spend your life, married or unmarried, to someone have have a life together maybe even a family, look at their family. the reason for looking at their family is because once you are dedicated to this person some things that are present in their family life may be brought into yours. so if something happens/occurs when with or around their family, back the hell out of that relationship.

the significant other is going to tell you "i'm not like that, its only my family member" that doesnt mean shit! because they were brought up in an environment were "this action" was acceptable so to them it is.




with all this said. thanks but no thanks. i'll stay single.

now to be more specific... MnotT this is about you-ish.
stay single as long as you want or dont want to, dont wait for me i'm not coming back. i'm sorry that you fell IN love with me and i hope that you can eventually get over me. not meant to be taken in a mean way, more of a straight forward way because those feelings will never be returned under any circumstances. I truly am sorry that it had to come to that on her part to ruin anything we could have had in the future. But i'm always going to be thinking about what is best for my future, and people of interest that snap like that because they interpreted something wrong arnt people i want in my life.
i forgave her, but for her actions. i will not punish you for them because that is not fair, but i will not subject a future life to that. if our relationship ever went -flash forward 10 or 15 years from now- to kids i wouldn't want her to be around my children because of how easily she can turn on someone.

I'll still be friends with her, but she doesnt seem so interested anymore, or she just doesnt know what to say or how to say it... because we dont talk anymore, and i dont go to the library for my lunch because i have nothing to say back.

i wanted to take time away from you and your family because i wanted all of you to not have my presences around. i'll accept that she was jut mad at me and mis-understood, but i wont understand why she felt she needed to say the things she did.
in an email she sent "We both finally agree, unanimously, that you are the perfect girl for (MnotT)" they cant decided for you who is perfect and who isnt. all they can do is input that they like me or not, everything else is up to the relationship.
it does suck that she liked me so much and you thought i was your one, but i tried to tell you over and over that i'm not a good person to be in a relationship with. i'm damn sure i told you not to fall in love with me as well. but we cant undo what is done, we can only move on.

and it does suck that our friendship, if thats what it still is, has been effected by what she did. but shit happens, and life goes on.




IN OTHER NEWS:
i had something to say here, but i forgot what it was while typing up everything in this blog... i should really write things down before i start blogs to remember to get back to certain points.


AND i do need to get better at typing in connective ways. like this blog in confusing then it jumps around when it is direct which makes it still confusing to people who dont live in my head... I'm trying... i hope it has gotten better from my first long blog, to now and not worse...
maybe its just random on when i want them to be really great, versus when i have something on my mind and write it down as i think about it.

what are we now?

so what are we?
obviously people dont usually go up to people they know and ask "are we friends" because its usually a given in high school that "if said person talks to me about everyday, we must be some kind of friend" but then after high school you really start to understand what "friend" is and redefine yourself and your definition of friends and who your 'true' friends are... then it just gets more complicated in college. after college things should be all straightened out again.

BUT we've done the high school thing, we dont talk to the people who arnt our friends from high school. we're doing the college thing now and making new friends and dropping more high school ones and some old college ones and we still talk to each other.

sure we dont talk to each other everyday like high school, but we dont have any classes together; we're not even in the same city for 3/4th of the year. but we still talk, we're still friends on facebook, and we still have some things in common. but what are we now? are we friends, are we acquaintances, or are we just two people with things in common that need someone to talk to during the summer because we live in the same city 15 minutes away from each other?

its a rude-ish question to ask someone because it should be unwritten and just understood... but i'm sure you have at least once thought about asking me the same thing just to see what i think about it... and if you havent then thats just me...... >.>

but what would you call us, if anything. (be brutally fricken honest :), it will NOT hurt my feelings, dont worry)