why so mean?

he looks pissed, no? oh poor Famine.

i thought of something the other day that i had forgotten about.. the song of the week. one that has been in my head for a while has been jar of hearts by some female of which i forget the name.

so after i landed in connecticut we had dinner. it has been the only time (up until yesterday) that i didnt have a home cooked meal while here. my aunt and uncle home cook everything but pizza. they even have a compost. i've been tasting everykind of wine that is around, and its def.ly something that is an aquired taste. i dont think i have the aquire for it. but its good for 'you'. i even tried some coneact(sp). it was gross. the first four days i was here all we did was make cookies. a plate for a teacher apperiaction lunch, a plate for a school dance, a plate for aunts church, a plate for a christmas party. thats a lot of cookies!

last for this post is my aunts youngest child is enforcing the reason of why i will never produce spawn for this world >:|

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where is the bathroom?

follow the duck feet. this past monday i went on a plane all by myself. yay me. my day started at about 815. my dad and i got up to go to the vet to get more flee meds for the cats. before we left my dad put my stuff into the car. when we got home about 845, we had to pick up Famine first (cuz hes the brat with the med). after he ran off we scooped up War & gave him the med. when that was done i went around the house & took pictures of the people and pets then my dad and i got in the car and my dad drove me off to the airport. my flight from SA to DC was almost 4 hours. on the plane we were able to watch "the Switch" *for free*. my next flight was lame. the pilot made us wait for 30 after we were suppose to leave for the lav to be cleaned out. wasted time cuz no one used in the the hour flight. when i got to NY/Conneticut we went to Stew Lenoards(sp) that was fun. then we wemt home &
got settled in. it was about 830/9 so i ate something, watched tv for a while then called it a night!!!

"Told you from the start.. I'm only gonna break.. your heart"

One friend likes pictures with blog posts. :)



December 10 – Wisdom Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? (Author: Susannah Conway)

breaking up with MnotT i would have to say was the wisest... How did it play out? like a low budget break up movie.

after i broke up with him his mom had a fit, then she immedeatly tried to patch things up. MnotT on the other hand had a mental/emotion fit. And all he did with his outbreak was confirm that i didnt want to be friends with him anymore. No big loss on my end. not even a big deal...
Now he has become even more childish, and he refuses to let his mom mention me/my name. But she still wants to be friends with me regardless of his current PMS attitude. I dont even know what i did to make him hate me so much. GICK

With current events, i still dont know how to feel about his mom. She wants to be friends i know that, but it seems like she is still mad at me. she can still snap in an instant which worries me, but still wants to talk to me for some reason.

Moral of the stuff above:
Keep your emotions in Check! And when you get into a New relationship dont let yourself "fall in love" in less then 2 weeks, cuz when shit hit the fan everyone smells it.


NEXT:
this will (hopefully) be the last thing i ever mention about MnotT. I told you from the start that i wasnt a good person to date. I told you i was going to ruin the relationship, and that would ruin the friendship. You read my blogs before we started dating you Knew that i wasnt going to be good. Yet for some reason you thought you could "change me" and that "we'd be fine" and "some other crap." But I Told You. You Knew!
The main reason i started dating you is because i just gave up fighting you about your pointless reasons on why we should date, and how you thought i would be different... so i guess it was more of a point i was trying to make. Either i knew you wanted to ruin our friendship because you wouldnt be able to keep your emotions in check OR you wanted to try and "change me"... it turned out to be both.

People dont change. they just put up fronts until they are comfortable with the people around them. I Know My Own M.O. when it comes to dating. its been in place since my first boyfriend. (that is the last 15 years of my life) there is no way you are going to change it.

So its your own fault that you feel in love for someone who told you not to and told you it was destined to fail.

Moral of this section: when someone says something they know is a fact about themselves, dont try and change that persons mind... You'll just look like a ska-do-shh after its all said and done.

*these morals are strictly opinion and not supported by the blog site.. and blah blah whatever else is said when live show

our new cat toy

December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)

This past Saturday my family and I made a huge cat scratcher. http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=585901&id=631595051 (linked in title)

we used:
SUPPLIES
•10 x wide elbows (Lowes part number: 96076 A21 2X1 ANGLE)
•2 x narrow elbows (Lowes part number: 315683 STAN 1-1/2” ZN CNR BRC)
•22 x .5 inch washers
•26 x .75 inch screws
•44 x 1 inch screws
•2 x scrap lumber (½ inch thick, by 3.5 inches wide, by 36 inches long)
•1 x concrete tube (10 inches in diameter, by 48 inches tall)
•1 x edge-glued wood panel .75 inches thick, by 20 inches wide, by 36 inches long
•½ bucket of plaster (about 6 lbs) **WE modified this with a 50 pound bag of sand)
•A few feet of duct tape
•5 x rolls of sisal (.25 inches thick, by 100 feet long, for a total of 500 ft)
•1 x plywood circle (12 inch diameter or 18 inch if you have two or more cats)
•1 x circle of foam (12 inch diameter or 18 inch if you have two or more cats)
•1 x circle of cloth batting (12 inch diameter or 18 inch if you have two or more cats)
•1 x large bottle of fast-drying wood glue (16 oz) **WE used a hot glue gun
•1 x piece of cloth or carpet to cover the top platform (I used a cotton bath mat.) **and we used carpet that we pulled up in the summer when we were redoing the dinning room.
We also have “two or more cats” so we used the bigger options where they apply.


it only took about 6-8 hours to complete and our cats were trying to use it before we were done making it.
And my dad claims that they dont like it because he never sees them use it... But they use it ALL the time.. He is usually at work when they use it the most. :) i think they do it on purpose so he cant see them use it.

my cat, Famine, likes to perch at the top, and War likes to get a running start and jump as high as he can... Then spider-man around the side before he starts to stretch and scratch on it.

lots to say, and so little attention

meaning i have a lot of things that i want to type... which i'll have to do over numerous blogs given that most people only read about half a page worth before they get bored.. haha....

87% of statistics are made up on the spot.. :) meaning, I dont know how much people actually read before they get bored of my posts...



this shirt is its very own optical illusion.


:
December 5 – "Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?"

i've been starring at this prompt for the last 2 hours on and off, its now 315 am, its really hot in my room for some reason and its really cold outside, and we dont run the heater or ac.... so it should be cold because my room is attached to the attic. But it is not. it is really hot. off the side note and onto the prompt.

i was given up on and gave up on this year. relationship wise that is. BUT the past is the past, and even though everyone dwells on the past now and then, and it can not be changed. both were good moves. looking back on the fours years i spent with the first give up wasnt all a waste of time... but looking back the majority of it was. after the first year it moot i'd have to say...

So it was a really good snap back to reality. things like that just cant... scratch that, shouldnt exists in the world.

And then there was MnotT... Thank your higher power that i decided my schooling was MUCH more important then that... seeing the true colors of people you think you know can be a real shell shock...

But both things are behind me now, and they can both kiss my ass when back there too.. So fortunately i only hold anger/dislike for short periods of time before i'm done with them completely..

I was done with LP around the end June, then he found his way back into my life.. but i wasnt angry with him anymore.

I was done with MnotT promptly 3 days after i broke up with him. well i decided i wasnt going to try to date him anymore. Then He Pulled the weekend with WhiteMM, and now i'm done with him completely. and he isnt finding a way back in.. SO if you ever come across this MnotT since i'm not text/emailing/writing you OR telling you in person or over the phone, i dont want you to contact me ever again. if you do try to contact me you will be ignored. and as for your mom, unfortunately for her by what you have done has flipped sides from over a month ago and you have permanently damaged the friendship your mom was trying to have with me again, and for good.. But i think i will be decent enough to let her know that you fuxed it up and not her.

tomorrow/today (Wednesday the 15th) i have to make two lists. list number one is of the things i canNOT forget while i'm packing this weekend for my trip to Connecticut. list number two is the things from most important to "would be cool" that i would like to do while out in Connecticut.. (since i've been told to plan for at least a day at most a weekend in New York).. I should try and have these lists done by 5... so with the now time i have 12 hours to do this in. :)


I'm not even tired, but i guess i must go to sleep and get a head start on my packing. this way it lessens my chance of forgetting.... hopefully.. Hopefully i pay attention to the things i use daily so i know to pack them the night before.

how dare you...

Oh girly crush, why do you present yourself at the worst possible time?

What are you thinking!?

it amazes me how fast i can go from my "im 21" state of mind to "ooohhh he is cute/nice/funny/(other words of nice-ness)" from I'm going to act my age because i'm in college to how tween act around their crushes. I thought this crush would be over by now, as i havent seen said person in 5-7 days... unfortunately for me we're friends on facebook, so i cyber-stalked all of his pictures. i have to stop myself from being that annoying person that you're not really firends with but they comment on all of your pictures, or like them all. it is really hard... But this is not somethign i want to think about right now.. its not like i have anything better to do for the next month... but I'm not going to the same school as him next semester, so there isnt even a point in bringing it up to him or telling anyone who it is.....



Even if we did go to the same school, we didnt really talk during class. So just because i have a lame-o highschool crush on him doesnt mean anything would come of it, or that it would last.

next point..
I really wish i didnt have such a negative attitude towards relationships... i think if i had more faith in them working i wouldnt ruin the ones i go into.
So even if said crush knew i wouldnt date him, because we'd be better friends then bf/gf.

But this crush,....... grrrr its driving me crazy.



Why, oh why, did i start acknowledging this crush NOW and not while i could have talked to him during our classes together.

getting things done!

Today was a good day for getting a lot done!!

I feel very accomplished today.

I had 2 finals today, and was done by 1pm; so now i'm done with this semester.
after that i went home, and my dad was already home waiting for me. he took off half the day so that we could go down to the Texas A&M San Antonio campus to Register :s we got there when they started at 2. and i talked to an adviser... i really dislike advisers for no reason. I really wish they would just tell us which classes to take in which semesters and all we had to do was pick the classes. This way i wouldnt have run into the problem of "oooh i wanna take this class" "this class not found, try again next semester" "grrrrrrr...." that happened to the whole first schedule i wanted to take. then i had to do it again (i HATE making my class schedule). the second time two of the classes i wanted were closed, so yet again back to the classes and schedule.... FINALLY i got classes that i need to take, but didnt want to take this semester...
two English classes, and two psychology classes. all on T/R 12:30 - 7 back to back.

I do need to get an updated transcript from SFA though, cuz the only one i have is opened and they dont take opened ones, and the most current one is Sp of 08, and i attended there Fa 09, so they are missing a semester. i also have this coming up summer booked (at least the first half) two take my final two language classes. French 2 and something else of "language" 1 so i can get the 12 hours out of the way.

NEXT
after we came back home it was about 4ish. i sat at home and did nothing, because i had nothing to do. I waited for my mom to get home so that my sister, mom and i could go out and about the town.
we went to hobby lobby, they didnt have what we were looking for.
we went to anna's linen and things, they didnt have what we were looking for.. but we did end up buying Dommo a Christmas gift.
we went to Target, and got scarfs, hats, gloves, and ear covers. each of these things are on my check list to take to Connecticut. we also got these things for my sister and Dommo. My mom got 2 dress shirts, and some nice pants for my dads company Christmas party today (Friday the 10th).
Then we went to Wal*Mart and still didnt find what we were looking for at Hobby Lobby, but found a good substitute.


What we were looking for:
Star Wars fabric so that my sister could make Dommo a stocking. We found two kids shirts instead and cut them up.



So Verrrry Accomplished today.
finals over - check
school over - check
A&M reg. - check
Mom's dinner clothes- check
Dommos stocking - check
Other gifts for Dommo- check
Get new carmax- check
and start checking things of my check list for Connecticut - check

Looking for ward to ...

Thursday for so many reasons!

Thursday is my last two finals. and only one if i get my essay turned in by tomorrow. :)

also on Thursday i'm going down to A&M SA with my dad to see if i can register for classes.

and even better then getting classes and next semester straight, its my last day of this semester!!! YAY!!!!!!!!! :D

This semester was FUN. But i'm so ready for it to be over!

In less then 2 weeks i'm on a plane to a COLD place with the chance of snow and i'm staying there for just over 2 weeks. i cant wait.

i'm shaking with antica.................pation!

W2G- dmb455

FUCK YOU MNOTT!

Thank you ever so much by Proving the Very Point i was making in my October 30th "i'm not; but i am" blog. (linked if you need a refresher)

"because they were brought up in an environment were "this action" was acceptable so to them it is."

Flashback-
Lunch on Saturday, WhiteMM wanted to go to lunch with MnotT and I, but he didn't want me to be there. Why? because he is still butt hurt that i broke up with him, and mostly because of that blog post, basically saying that i wouldnt date him again. he Intentionally was an asswipe to me. that doesnt hurt my feelings, just so you know it only makes you look like an asswipe.

Today--I'm going to say i dont care about you, and i dont, in any sort of happy feeling way. I do not have good feelings, but do have feelings towards you. I despise you. You are seriously Fucking pissing me off with your 12 year old games. I take back all my "sorrys". i dont give a shit that i hurt your feelings, its been over two months, get fucking over it. and by the attitude that you Intentionally showed to me on Saturday i dont care to Ever be your friend again. So Way To Go On Ruining Any Kind Of Friendship You And I Could Have Had!

GOD DAMN YOU!

Unfortunately when this happened i just blew it off, and when i thought about it earlier today, it ruined my day, and its probably going to have me pissed all day tomorrow as well.

so AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've come to the recent conclusion

That i wish i were asexual.

i dont like most, if not all, guys. and women are just boobs with some spunk to them.. but for most of them they just complain to much about anything (i dont talk to that kind, so if i talk to you and you are female, i have not mentally placed you in that group)

So there is no point for me to look for a boyfriend, because he'll just piss me off.... daily, at least 5 times in a 24 hour time period. and women constantly annoy me.

therefor i need to be asexual, no point in me being straight and no point in me being gay, either way there is no marriage or intentional off spring to come of either situation.

My chirstmas, might be a white one after all

My dad recently bought me two things for Christmas. a laptop, and a plane ticket.
the laptop he got on sale on black Friday, and the plane ticket is to Connecticut from December 20th to January 4th. I'm visiting my dads sister (my aunt Jeanette) and family.

So i have to make a list of the foods i dont like to eat so she knows what to mostly avoid on trying to feed me. and a list of places sites or such that i would like to visit while there for those two weeks. and hopefully i'll get to see snow. :)

There’s a project, reverb

There’s a project, reverb, that provides daily prompts for people to blog about in the hopes of reflecting on the year 2010. I found this on BluestEyes blog, and the link to the project is in the title.



As i was reading BluestEyes' answer to this following question, i had an answer, just as she did when she read the answer of another.

The question: Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

Tornado. This was the first answer that came in my head.
This year was beautiful, dark, powerful, destructive and somewhat boring.

it started out good. the new year always does, for me. its the best time of the year to clean your slate and start anew. this good feeling lasted about 3 months. as my job was winding down and getting read yo close shop, i ran into a shit storm.

*Insert Break-Up Scene Here* the only thing i thought i had going for me was Destroyed in seconds. it felt great (note the sarcasm) for about 3 weeks, then i was pissed and tired of being mad, sad, and tired. So i stopped caring. This is about the time it got dark. when i stopped caring about what had happen to me, i unintentionally stopped caring about everything going on around me too.

and i made a blog. :) i would have to say if you want to tell everyone you dont know about the things you want to tell someone, post it in a blog. and every time something happens, and you dont know exactly how to say it, or you just want to rant, post it in a blog. when you think you've run out of friends that care to hear about the same thing over and over and over again, because it still bothers you, Post It In A Blog! The blog doesnt care, but that doesnt matter because you care, and if you have people that read it, they dont need to care... at least someone else is reading your rant which was the point to begin with.

Then it got powerful... i basically paid it forward. I listened to two of my friends about their relationships, and all they seemed to do was complain about it.. i never make the decision, but i just talk to people about whatever they want to talk about.. I am always on the side of my friend, even if it tends to be the wrong side. I voice what i'm thinking about it, and tend to be quite blunt without care or feeling, and help them make powerful choices that will change the next few month to rest of their lives.
WhiteMM and MnotT both broke up with the partner at that time for one reason or another.
i wanted both partners out of the lives of my friends, but i never push it or make the decision. so if they wanted to stay with those people i would have just questioned it, and dealt with it.
WhiteMM is much happier for it, and i dont know about MnotT. he might not be so happy now.

This is about the time the destructive comes in. I'm a very destructive person. and when it comes to relationships when i want out i dont tell the person that i'm done i try to push them away. i ruin or sabotage it intentionally to see if the person would get the hint that i just dont care anymore. I'm an uncaring person. i have feelings but i dont let enough people see them or get to them for them to be hurt in anyway what-so-ever.
I intentionally dont attach myself to people or call anyone a friend because when they stop talking to me, or we stop hanging out it wont hurt.

This is my own choice, and this will be my downfall when i get older and join the "real world" but i dont care to change right now. So far i've ruined every relationship i've been in except one... And it wasnt the one with LP. and the one that would have been the best thing for me i pushed away because i was scared.

my perfect boyfriend. a guy how puts up with the shit i bring, who makes the relationship interesting at least once a week so i dont get bored and back out, and who doesnt care to see me daily or (current state of mind) want to live with me in the future.

Here is the boring... i dont do anything anymore. i do daily things, but i dont go out with people, i dont try to make friends, all i do it go to school and go home. so there isnt much to goo off of when people ask how my week or weekend went... my response is "it went.. i didnt do anything note worthy"

THE NEW YEAR:
I would like it to be like a beach.
gritty and dirty sometimes, but nice and beautiful and Clean most of the year.




Now on to the random things...

I think i'm getting better at driving, i have only driven from the mail box to the house which is about 1/4 of a mile or so with the speed limit of 20 mph.

i had a wired non-sexually hot dream the other night... it is to strange to talk about. but i sort of told the person that was in the dream what the outline of the dream was. they were "flattered"

all but one final is this week, when "finals" are next week. I have one "final" next week but its not really a final, its just a presentation of our sex research.

My dance is on Saturday night (dec 4th) and we have it all, we just have to pretend to know what were doing even if we dont. its going to be so much fun! Yay dance class!



And last thing, when i started this blog i first told my 4 (at the time) best friends, now its only 2 1/2, and all of them had their own excuse not to read it. then i told others. LP was still reading it when i told a few more people about it, and i didnt much care for him to, but had no way of stopping him so i just gave up on it. but the people that are suppose to "be there" for me dont read, which kind of hurts the feelings that not many get to see. it didnt bother me at first, but i go into much more detail when i blog about something then i ever do or ever will when i retell the story over and over again to each friend. i start out with "have you read my recent update?" and the answers i get back are "no, blogs are boring to me", "no, lol, i forgot. what is the address thingy [URL] again?", or Oh, my favorite "nope, dont care to"

i know of 3 people for sure that read my blog, and i've come to the conclusion that i'm okay with that. My parents (2 people) and reconnected again officially official friend BluestEyes (reconnected as in back in April-ish)


well this is long enough, so i'm cutting it off.