LOOK!! I see you

i went to PostSecrets, as i do every sunday or tuseday depending on when i remember, and when i go, after i read what is up i look at if i know anyone in the pictures that are the friends for that cycle.
And i saw one i know this week.

Yay! :)

i'm not; but i am

i'm not avoiding you.... but i kind of am.

This whole thing may be confusing, deal with it.. hahaha. :)

Relationship directed

a wise person once told me "if something in their family scares you, run like hell" because if you choose to spend your life, married or unmarried, to someone have have a life together maybe even a family, look at their family. the reason for looking at their family is because once you are dedicated to this person some things that are present in their family life may be brought into yours. so if something happens/occurs when with or around their family, back the hell out of that relationship.

the significant other is going to tell you "i'm not like that, its only my family member" that doesnt mean shit! because they were brought up in an environment were "this action" was acceptable so to them it is.




with all this said. thanks but no thanks. i'll stay single.

now to be more specific... MnotT this is about you-ish.
stay single as long as you want or dont want to, dont wait for me i'm not coming back. i'm sorry that you fell IN love with me and i hope that you can eventually get over me. not meant to be taken in a mean way, more of a straight forward way because those feelings will never be returned under any circumstances. I truly am sorry that it had to come to that on her part to ruin anything we could have had in the future. But i'm always going to be thinking about what is best for my future, and people of interest that snap like that because they interpreted something wrong arnt people i want in my life.
i forgave her, but for her actions. i will not punish you for them because that is not fair, but i will not subject a future life to that. if our relationship ever went -flash forward 10 or 15 years from now- to kids i wouldn't want her to be around my children because of how easily she can turn on someone.

I'll still be friends with her, but she doesnt seem so interested anymore, or she just doesnt know what to say or how to say it... because we dont talk anymore, and i dont go to the library for my lunch because i have nothing to say back.

i wanted to take time away from you and your family because i wanted all of you to not have my presences around. i'll accept that she was jut mad at me and mis-understood, but i wont understand why she felt she needed to say the things she did.
in an email she sent "We both finally agree, unanimously, that you are the perfect girl for (MnotT)" they cant decided for you who is perfect and who isnt. all they can do is input that they like me or not, everything else is up to the relationship.
it does suck that she liked me so much and you thought i was your one, but i tried to tell you over and over that i'm not a good person to be in a relationship with. i'm damn sure i told you not to fall in love with me as well. but we cant undo what is done, we can only move on.

and it does suck that our friendship, if thats what it still is, has been effected by what she did. but shit happens, and life goes on.




IN OTHER NEWS:
i had something to say here, but i forgot what it was while typing up everything in this blog... i should really write things down before i start blogs to remember to get back to certain points.


AND i do need to get better at typing in connective ways. like this blog in confusing then it jumps around when it is direct which makes it still confusing to people who dont live in my head... I'm trying... i hope it has gotten better from my first long blog, to now and not worse...
maybe its just random on when i want them to be really great, versus when i have something on my mind and write it down as i think about it.

what are we now?

so what are we?
obviously people dont usually go up to people they know and ask "are we friends" because its usually a given in high school that "if said person talks to me about everyday, we must be some kind of friend" but then after high school you really start to understand what "friend" is and redefine yourself and your definition of friends and who your 'true' friends are... then it just gets more complicated in college. after college things should be all straightened out again.

BUT we've done the high school thing, we dont talk to the people who arnt our friends from high school. we're doing the college thing now and making new friends and dropping more high school ones and some old college ones and we still talk to each other.

sure we dont talk to each other everyday like high school, but we dont have any classes together; we're not even in the same city for 3/4th of the year. but we still talk, we're still friends on facebook, and we still have some things in common. but what are we now? are we friends, are we acquaintances, or are we just two people with things in common that need someone to talk to during the summer because we live in the same city 15 minutes away from each other?

its a rude-ish question to ask someone because it should be unwritten and just understood... but i'm sure you have at least once thought about asking me the same thing just to see what i think about it... and if you havent then thats just me...... >.>

but what would you call us, if anything. (be brutally fricken honest :), it will NOT hurt my feelings, dont worry)

not so highly anticipated update

I saw x, who will now be LP (if i remember), yesterday and he brought over something that he thought i'd be interested in. 3 old time fashion Barry Manilow RECORDS. they were on "clearance" at some place he stopped by for .93 cents a piece! he asked if i wanted them, i said sure, he dropped them off yesterday and took me to school. my mom saw them this morning and asked if she needed to take the record player out of the attic. ... i didnt know we had one, hahaha, i was willing to try to find a cheap good one to play the over-sized vinyl CDs.
apparently he thinks about me a lot, more then he thinks he should, and wants to try and be friends and such-as...
I dont let people be my friends, i only have about 3 or 4 people that i call "friend" everyone else is just an acquaintance (that way i dont have to keep myself attached to them in anyway, and can stop talking to them or not talk to them for a long time and it doesnt bother me). he said he was fine being that as well.

NEXT
i still have a good number of people that said/say they would help with my collection to try to see barry manilow in Vegas, and have only received 3. technically 4, my dads mom sent me money but she had no idea that she inadvertently(wrong word??) donated to my Vegas fund. the rest just keep saying "i'll help" "i wanna help" "i might send something in late November"
When this plan originally went out i asked that everyone send me what they were going to by JUNE, so that i could to vegan FOR my birthday... getting money the day of or months after doesnt really help me get to Vegas FOR my birthday.
aahh whatever, fortunately for all of them in September i decided to not go in October to Vegas but instead try to go there either in March or June of next year.

SCHOOL
i have two psyc classes, and both had an essay due today, one class changed the due date to next week, and guess what i did!!
I got the classes mixed up and didnt finish the essay that was actually due today, but i did do the one due next week... how lame.
i told the teacher and he laughed at me and is letting me turn it in late.

i have to present a story with a partner in English on Monday and do an essay on that as well. lame-o

and my phil class sucks, we dont do anything in that class.

Last but not least, in my dance class we almost have the whole routine spotted, now we just have to get the timing and MEMORIZE it. she decided that she wanted to put my in front stage so EVERYONE can see me... we have just about 4.5 weeks lift, so 9 classes left to learn the whole thing, and i am getting soooo confused and turning the wrong way and not coming in on my cues and IM IN FRONT.. so i have no one to cover up my mistakes, and no one to look at when i do something wrong to get back on track....

needs an update

so it's been a while since i had a "serious" update to this.

haha

Yesterday was my birthday. turned 21.
had a blast!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=560299&id=631595051
(hopefully this link works)

My family and i went out to Acadiana for lunch, then for after lunch dessert we went to the cheesecake factory where i got the pumpkin cheesecake. and it was sooo good. i want to make one sometime, but i think i may just buy this one.. hahaha.
after food we all went home, cuz my parents wanted to nap before we went out for drinks.

we ended up going to BJs for drinks, mainly cuz it had a TV and my mom wanted to watch the baseball game.

i had a white peach mojito, shot of tequila, a sex on the beach (which i gave me mom cuz i didnt like that much so i traded for her berry delicious). then i had beer samples of the two darkest beers that the restaurant had (a roasted one of some kind and a stout--NASTY), the bartenders laughed at the face of disgust that i made when i drank the stout. then two more beer samples of a harvest hefeweizen, a wheat beer, and Jeremiah red, a strong ale. after that i had a sample of a berry cider (which is a fruity beer and a misnomer), and my mom ended up getting a full glass of it, it was really good. :) i was still drinking the berry delicious drink during all this which was getting more and more watered down and becoming more gross...
i wanted to try a shot of Johnny Walker black label, and my bartender just gave me a sip of it, which was a good idea cuz it was nasty and i made a face with it as well. it also gave me the feeling like it burned my lip so i didnt like it at all.

those are all the drinks i had, i also had about 5 glasses of water and had to get up to pee 6 times.

Going home! we got home and i got up the stairs just Fine, and had to pee again, so i went to the bathroom.... and need help getting off the floor when i was done, cuz i took my pants off and my shoes and went down to pick then up. Dom helped me to my room, i felt the need to inform her after we were in the hallway that i had taken my pants off.... she already knew this, and just said "yep, it is hot up here" hahahahaha

after that i took the trash bag that was in my trashcan into my sisters room to dump my trash into her so i could have a clean empty bag in case i lost my nachos and drinks during the night. I only did this because i Knew that if i didnt have the option i would have thrown up-- but since i gave myself the option i ended up not needing to throw up. :) yay me

What!?

my teach doesnt know that we can see what he is doing, and we're doing a "test" (which is really an essay) and he's playing freecell!!

335 now

this is post 335, before i posted the last post i noticed that i had 333 posts. and i was going to say something about it, but the last post was on October 6th or something close..... so it didnt seem relevant to go back and edit it to say "oh yeah, this is my 333 post

:)

I've been away for oh so long!

I've been away for oh so long!

So many group projects in school.
I hate group projects.

Since last I mentioned anything Super Saiyan and I are still friends I guess.

x posted some stupid ass photo that my freshmen "tagged" me in on facebook, because I’m not friends with anyone else in that picture so no one else could tag me...
But since it was in x's pictures, I un-tagged me, and told my freshmen (who graduated this last year in May-- so not really a freshmen anymore, haha)...
Anyways, I told him that it was someone of a nice thought, but not to tag me in x's pictures. This made me look around at his page because I was wondering what he'd been up to... nothing new in his pictures so nothing new to report on... but I thought for less than a second that I should say Hi and see how things are, but I still have this over powering urge to not want to talk to him.

More so then any other ex-boyfriend I’ve had.
Bunches, Blondie**, and Super Saiyan are the only ex's I’ve talked to after the break up... and I’ve had enough boyfriend..... but just so many don’t think I’m some kind of slut, I’ve only had 15 boyfriends, and I remember all of their names and which order they came in.... and roughly how long we dated before separation happened.

**(for those that know me, this was B...t, the freshmen I dated when I was a junior in high school-- I’ve not talked about him so he didn’t have a name before this post... and he has some Blond hair)

NEXT:

I recently went to a Jonas Brothers concert, followed by a Brett Michael concert (free at Sea World), and followed by a Carrie Underwood concert!!
my mom and I go to a lot of concerts.... but not really a LOT, this year has been the most in a ever... and two of them were free
And the RODEO is coming up again (in February haha) and those concerts are awesome... So is bull riding!! I love bull riding. It makes me hot and heavy! (JUST KIDDING!!)
But I do like it. :)

School time:
I have a group project in all of my classes... well only 4/5 since dance is a group project the whole way through.... since we all have to learn a dance to perform at the end of the semester

For my human sexuality class, one group member dropped the class 2 weeks after we go the group project and told us today 2 days before the first part is due... Way To Go, Dude!! So now the other three people, including me, have one more day to get his part done AND type up an essay due Thursday.


Philosophy.... my Favorite class (HEAVY on the sarcasm!) everything we do in this class in a group grade, group quizzes, AND group IN CLASS essays that have to be grammatically correct, in order, with a outside resource, 3-6 pages long and all done in 75 minutes HANDWRITTEN out...... what kind of loony teacher does that???... And if he can’t read it Points off!! Really????

OKAY I Know that my generation should know how to do this, but we grew up in the age of the computers that did this stuff for you, the last time a teacher requested that they should be able to read my hand writing was in 4th grade, in California. When I moved out to Texas in the 4th grade, they told me that everything needed to be typed out because they were going to try to decipher codes from students anymore.. So after that year I didn’t have any more penmanship classes, I never needed to write clearly or anything... unless of course I wanted to read it later. So it’s complete ludicrous (!!) that this teacher is having us do it this way when we sit in a classroom with 25 computers and a printer available....


In my intro to psyc class we have a group project about "change the world (for the better) and my group was going to try to show people in the community that not all Muslims are bad, just this one group... and if they still dont believe us we were going to point out things that could be consider terroristic in the popular organized religions and ask if they think those groups are terrorist and why or why not.. then go back to why we choose to keep grouping all of the Middle Eastern people and Muslims as ALL being terrorist, making us no better than how we thought about the Japanese when Japan bombed us in Pearl Harbor (except credit to us, we didn’t put them in camps for years)
we got Red Light(ed) for this, and were told to change it or make it more specific to be able to do this in a few weeks and not something that would take a few years, so we changed it to volunteering at Meals on Wheels and getting statistics on how many of the people that show up there are actually homeless, jobless, or they just can’t buy food. But not in a negative way, it would be just to show that anyone can go get food from these groups for a number of reason, they don’t have to be just homeless or penniless.


And the last group project (excluding dance) is in my English class a partner and I have write our own separate papers comparing and contrasting two stories, then we have to present our findings to the class and explain the story the class hasn’t read to everyone in a power point or such.
its sounds easy, and I’m sure it is which is why I’ve had it for about a week and haven’t started on it yet, the papers are due this next Monday and the presentation will start money so I want to have our presentation done by then to go first and get it over with.

And then last is dance we've learned the first 30-60 seconds of our dance now we're working on placement and or entrances and when we meet up with the boys and such... yeah... I may post a video of me attempting the dance.... might...


And last but Not least, I changed my tooth brush and ora brush last night after I used the old ones and used the new ones today and I LOVE new toothbrushes!! They just feel sooo great. :)

just noticed

That two of my posts basically say the same thing. hahaha... oh well.
i'm getting nervous, because i have an hour before i have to present. I know we should do okay because i presented to my parents and Dom and they liked it, and my partner presented to his girlfriend and she liked it. So we have no worries.. I just have to remember what the slides say and the notes and stories behind them to fill in the blanks.

Hopefully we do okay.... :s

national night out last night

my neighborhood had a get together at our park, with a "clown" that did face paintings and balloon thingys.

more class things

had to read a book for my English classed called The Road of Lost Innocence. its a true story about sexual slavery and brothel houses in Cambodia. the author is Somaly Mam. and its her story. how her life is different because of the events and she finally got out. in the last 5 chapters its about how she starts thinking how she can get other girls out of that horrible life, and how she starts up her foundation to help.
i think its a damn good power point that my partner and i had to do on it! and my essay is fabulous!
but we've decided not to present today in class, we're going to go on Wednesday.

today

I have to read a book called The Road of Lost Innocence The true story of a Cambodian Heroine By Somaly Mam by 2pmC today, so i can meet up with my partner, also reading this book, and so we can make a power point to present to the class on Monday. I also have to write an essay on it, due Monday. I'm a good way through it and its really interesting, but i dont like time limits.... it feels so contrasting.. haha

So, so far my day is a little better then yesterday. Super Saiyans mom emailed and texted me this morning saying sorry and the reason she did what she did, she hopes we can still be friends after this.

well off to read the book, if you have read it, let me know how you liked it or not. :)

i thought i was having a good day, i fell for the joke.

i thought i was having a good day, i fell for the joke.

as usual this picture has nothing to do with my blog, but you may ask what it is.. i took this picture at my moms work today, and it is a squirrel skull that some construction workers found earlier this week and just put here... and it hasnt moved since. i thought it was a bug shelling (like when they shed the exoskeleton) but its not.. my mom saw that it was a skull before i did.


This WHOLE thing my come back and bite me in the ass in the next few days.
I'm not sorry for it, because this is my blog and things from MY mind. *at this point in time, i may feel crappy later for saying them*

yesterday i broke up with my boyfriend for a number of reasons, a lot of miscommunication (all my bad) and because i have come to the conclusion that i cant have a "normal" boyfriend while in school because it stresses me out way to much!

Today! I thought i was having a really great day.

it started out with waking up kind of early, which was fine. Going to the store with my mom for items needed in my house, then going to the back so i can put some money over to my savings account for my Vegas trip. After that i went to work with my mom because i was going to go to Sea World with her at noon, to get a wristband to see the free concert there tonight. we got them, yay us, then i had to go back to work with her because we had to go straight to Sea World after she got off, so there was no time to come get me and go there before the concert started. While at work with her i watched 2 movies starring Nicolas Cage, The wicker man 2006, and The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans 2009. both were interesting movies, and he seems to get the "im crazy/ going crazy" roles or "im the really bad guy that youre really going to hate" roles. he was crazy in the first one, and bad in the second.
after the movies i was going to read a book that i need to finish by monday for sure, buuuut instead read a magazine about that had a story about "The Social Network" which i want to see even if i hate facebook right now. (more on this in a bit)
After i was done reading the magazine it was time to go to the concert. so i packed up nothing that i worked on for the day and got into the car and went onto the concert.

And here is why i hate face book. Before we left my moms work all the way up to the start of the concert.

Last night on facebook i changed my relationship statues to single, and my best friends "like(d)" it. But i had a conversation with each of them about what had happened, and why i broke up with Super Saiyan. They didnt like it because they were HAPPY i broke up with him, they liked it because they SUPPORT me in the decisions that i make!

Super Saiyans mom doesnt know that side of the story, she just sees that they like it. She got pissed at me and posted "* wrote:"There should be a link that says, " does NOT like this", then I would click on it...""

THANK (WHOEVER) that there is NOT a fuxing link like that, because that is one really good fuxing way to make someone feel really crappy about themselves for thinking about themselves FIRST! fastest way to ruin someones self-esteem
Shit i've never felt so bad in my life then when i read that comment.
Then i go and find out the she DELETED ME as a friend!

I told Super Saiyan what was going on, and he said that she shouldnt have acted that way, and that he felt ashamed to be her son at that moment *Super Saiyans mom, if you do end up reading this... its not because of what you did per-say its how you acted while doing it.*

she just went all "protect the son" on me. she turned crazy for a couple of hours. but for her doing this minus my friends supporting me, this misunderstanding could have been avoided in a different way, if Super Saiyan had just talked to his mom about the break up, and let her know that we were going to still try to be friends.

while still being pissed, and hurt. i went through one of my friends posts and found somethings that made me feel better.
http://www.cafepress.com/+im_mad_as_hell_shirt,22008562
i think i would buy one of there shirts just to not be the bigger women, and wear it around her..... But i'm broke so i wont... and i want to be the bigger women. so i'm just going to avoid her at school and in texts for a while. ** Whooo good thing i didnt get that job with her!!!!*

next thing posted (which was actually posted before) was : " There's always going to be some people so intimidated by something amazing and unique or different about you that they will feel compelled by some inadequacy within themselves to try to tear you down. Just say no to bullies."

*everything after this post is in order from postings.*

"One of the hardest lessons to learn in life is that no one looks at or thinks about you even half as much as you think they do, and even if they did, their opinions don't really matter all that much. (That's great when their opinions are ill-informed or stupid; it is perhaps less comforting when their opinions are generally neutral or positive!)"

" Stupid facts I learned from Trivial Pursuit tonight: most healthy people pee 6 times a day, "domesticated" ants live in a formicary, & Kissinger prayed with Nixon during the Watergate scandal."

"Our species is doomed. (Also, if you don't know what a fleshlight is, DO NOT GOOGLE IT. You have been warned.)
http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l9n1izWJ2I1qzpwi0o1_500.jpg"

*and last thing*
"Keep calm and carry on carryin' on, people.
http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l9mwiyKH2X1qzpwi0o1_500.jpg"